School Days

"You must die!" screams your dog, which looks more like a rabbit, pulling out a gigantic bazooka. "And you trusted me!"

"NOO!"

Suddenly, your dog is your mother, but you don't notice the change. As your are about to get your head shot off, you realize you must be dreaming. All of a sudden, you find yourself awake and in your warm and comfortable bed.

You wipe the sand from your eyes and try to figure out what's going on. Your mind is still slow and tired; you can't quite think yet. You study the surroundings quickly. Oh, you realize, is it morning? You roll over. You figure out that it must be time for school, yet finding this situation unacceptable, you try to convince yourself otherwise. You desperately try to find memories of a fire that burned down the whole school, or of an earthquake. Finding no such memories, you attempt to convince yourself it's only one o'clock in the morning, hours before the fateful time when you'll have to wake up. As of now, you can go back to sleep. Yeah, you probably have a while before school. Or maybe it's Saturday. Yeah, you convince yourself, it's Saturday. You sleepily rationalize that it's impossible for it to be Saturday when yesterday was Monday, but still hope, as hard as you can, that that time no longer applies normally. You shut your eyes again, this time feeling a little guilty that you aren't getting up. Suddenly, there is a noise: an obnoxiously beeping sound! What was that? It sounded like the alarm, but you desperately pray it was something else. No, it was definitely the alarm. You smash it with your fist, and it shuts up. Back to sleep...Wait a minute! You can't go to sleep! Your mind is arguing again. Oh, shut up and sleep. The lazy side of your mind loses, you know you have to get up. In one quick movement you jump out of the bed. But then you hear something, people are talking, and you don't know the voices. It's the radio, coming from downstairs. You listen in.

"WQFR, Baltimore! Hello it looks like it's snowed!!!!!" screeches the DJ excitedly.

"Yes, indeed it did!"

"Oh, boy!"

"We'll be right back with the closings and cancellations."

Did you just hear what you think you did? WAHOO! You shake away the sleep, and rush down the

stairs.

"Good morning!" you say to your mother pleasantly. "Beautiful day, isn't it? Just makes you so glad to be alive! I'll just be getting the sled."

"Hold on," says your mother, "school's not closed. There's barely a flake on the roads. The plow came by this morning."

PLOW? How you hate those people. Don't they have anything better to do than torment you?

"Didn't the radio say--"

"Yeah, the city schools are closed. But the county is still open."

No! No!

You suddenly feel sleepy again. You don't eat much and walk out to the car.

You find the roads perfectly fine--and plowed. You kick snow on to the pavement but it doesn't make much difference. The engine starts up. The usual noises of a car.

"Having any trouble, Mom? Maybe the engine's frozen!"

"I don't think that happens very often, dear."

You cruise the roads, not even seeing the tiniest piece of snow on them.

"Sure that you're not having any trouble, Mom?"

"Yes."

"Yes you are, or yes you aren't."

"Just be quiet."

Finally you reach the school. You can see a sign. Wait a minute. What does it say? Could it say "school closed"? Maybe your mom was wrong. You draw nearer, your fingers crossed. Please, please. You pass the sign; it reads "ADDITIONAL PARKING THIS WAY." Ooh!

You get out of the car and walk in to the building.

Your first class is science. The bell rings and your teaches babbles on for twenty minutes.

Then her words actually begin to register.

"I'll now be collecting your essays. Put them on my desk."

What? Essay?

"Can I go to the bathroom?" you ask.

"Yes, but be back quickly, you don't want to miss the test."

Test?

"Okay."

You quietly shut the door. You pull out a pencil. Got to get the essay done. But what's it supposed to be about? You doodle a picture. Got to think...

You scribble some lines of words on the paper.

"I think that..."

"I think that science is..."

Oh, what are you going to write?

You start again.

"Science. The world depends on it."

You write about five lines, rip it from your binder.

No, you can't hand this in. Maybe a late assignment is better than the flat out F you'll receive if you turn in what you've just written.

You enter the room again and sit at your desk. You doodle some pictures, and look out at the snow as the teacher drones on.

"Can you explain it, Gary?"

What? Did you just hear your name?

"Uh, well it's kinda--um."

You look at your desk, hoping to find an answer hidden inside it.

"Well, it's--"

You listen, someone next to you is whispering an answer, and you faintly hear the word "sticky."

"Uh, it's sticky."

"Very good. And what's the main ingredient?"

"You know, I'd love to answer but I have to go to the bathroom."

"Again? Didn't you just go?"

"Uh, yeah, but you know--"

"Are you having problems?"

"No! N--no!"

You can hear the class giggling.

"Maybe you ought to go to the nurse."

"Oh, yeah. My stomach is killing me. I really think I should."

Phew. You go out of that one. You shut the door, walk down the hall and enter the nurse's office.

"Uh, I have a stomach ache."

"Yeah, yeah, I here ya! Like that's the worst of my problems, some kid with a stomachache! Just last year a school bus hit some kid, that's what I call a problem! Took us a few hours to find the leg. Here's the goddamn thermometer. "

You stick it in your mouth. She takes it out two and a half minutes later. She looks shocked to see a pure

98.6.

"Normal," she says as she reads it. "Why did you bother me with a normal temperature? Why'd you come here anyway? You didn't feel sick, did you? Did you?"

"Well, kind of."

"LIAR! The principal will hear of this. You won't escape my wrath!"

Okay. You walk out the door, and go back to class. There's no one there, but you see people rushing towards the auditorium, so you follow. You sit down in a seat next to the rest of your homeroom. The principal is on the stage.

"This man has dedicated his life to educating the children of America through School Tours. Here he is--"

Some guy in a really fake costume walks out. Oh, you get it, he's supposed to be Abraham Lincoln.

"Four score and seven years ago..."

You practically fall asleep. His mouth moves, but he's not talking. An hour later you look back up at him.

"And so I never, NEVER want to hear anyone being discriminated against. Now I want you all to stand and think about that. Hold the glory."

Oh, do you have to stand?

Your wobbly feet stand up.

"Now put your hand on your heart, shut your eyes and think about it."

Actually, you think about being home in the snow. In a few minutes, you sit.

"Whoops, looks like we have a bit more time," says the principal walking onto the stage. "So, I'll just repetitively repeat myself, repetitively repeat myself..."

Gym. The next class is gym. Good, at least you don't have to think. Although there is the issue of the gym teacher--your mortal enemy. You shudder.

You stumble into the boys' locker room. You make your way towards your locker. You're shocked to see that you locker is wide open. To make matters worse, there's nothing in it. Suddenly, the bell rings. You rush out towards the gym in a panic.

"Gary!"

"What Mr. Jacobson?"

"You know what, goddamn it! Where's your gym shirt?"

"It was stolen."

"Oh, yeah, sure it was stolen. Get down the principal till class is over. Then you're going to have to talk to me personally."

As you're leaving, you see the class bully with a number 98 gym shirt. Suspicious... that's your number…and your name written on the back in magic marker.

"Hey that's--"

"Didn't think you'd mind if I borrowed it! He, he, ha, ha!" he laughs.

"Actually, I--"

Suddenly, you hear your gym teacher's voice again. "Did I tell you to go to the principal, or did I tell you to socialize?"

"I'm going!"

You make your way to the principal's office.

The principal drones on about responsibility. Mumble, mumble.

"Don't take this lightly. You're going to have to remember your stuff! If you don't ever remember your things, you're going to flunk PE."

"It's not my fault the gym teacher hates me," you mumble.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"No! That is it! You're suspended as of now! Get of here!"

"What did I do? What did I say?"

"Insulting a teacher! Paragraph four, page one hundred of the Baltimore County Public School Handbook! It's cause for suspension! You were required to memorize it's contents, you should know!"

"That's not fair! All I said was…"

"Refusal of suspension? Paragraph six, page seventy-eight! That's cause for expulsion!"

"Now wait! This is crazy!"

"Get out!"

You run out of the door. You run out of the building, you don't know what to do. Why couldn't you have slept in and then have had some fun out in the snow? Now you got yourself expelled! Now you don't have school! Ever again!

That's when you study the situation. It's really not half bad. When you think about it, you'll get a couple weeks off before you enlist in another school. You can do whatever you want for two weeks! No more yelling teachers, no more late assignments and no more fake Abraham Lincolns! This could be the best thing that ever happened to you. You dive in to the snow and have fun.

Just as you're really enjoying yourself, you see your dog coming towards you. He's carrying a bazooka.